This. Is. It.

It’s true. I’m leaving. This is it. This is it. This is it. I’m leaving you. Not forever, and not because I hate you. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore. That’s not it at all. It’s because I’ve changed, but you – you’ve stayed the same. Or maybe it’s the other way around, but, regardless, something has happened. And now when we used to be one, and together so fittingly, now we are two. We are separate. We are distant. We are no long each other. We are no longer us. We are two people, careening away from each other constantly.

As much as I have loved Fuck Feast for the past two and a half years, it’s time for me to express my talents elsewhere. To focus on new opportunities. To talk about different things. To say something more important. Maybe I have to own up to the consequences of some of my actions, and maybe I have to be an adult about the rest of my life. But I can’t do this anymore. Not like this. I can’t put myself out there on such a bracingly raw and vulnerable level. I can’t use this site as the platform for my personal vendettas and petty moments. It’s time for me to be better than that, and while I have had so much fun with Fuck Feast (and I hope you have, too), this kind of stuff just happens. I don’t want you to think that I’m dumping Fuck Feast so much as I’m giving us both a new opportunity to grow beyond what we had together. Me? I’m writing a column for Oakland Local about the local bar scene, and my feminist rants can still be seen occasionally on Slutist. I’m working on some zines that compile my work from Fuck Feast as well as other random projects.

This might be over, but this isn’t the end. I could never leave you completely. You will always have a special place in my heart. I will always love you. And I hope that we can remain friends after this is over. I’ll still be posting here, less frequently, though. Fuck Feast will become more of a way to follow new developments in my writing. But all this laying my heart out to bare for anyone to see on the Internet – that is over. Let’s be honest – the things that I have said here are more damning than posting sex videos of myself. 

Look, I don’t regret anything. In fact, I know that I’ll look back on this time we had together and cherish it forever. I wouldn’t take any of it back, although, I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel differently some day. But you are special to me, and we did and said some crazy things together. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not beautiful. Because you are. You are beautiful.

As for everyone who has been on this journey with me, to all my faithful readers, and the haphazard ones, too – thank you. Thanks for listening. I’ll be out there on the Internet, posting crazy things. Sitting in my bedroom, writing crazy rants. Having uncouth and unsavory thoughts that I need to compulsively commit to paper. I hope you got something positive out of this, and I hope that you enjoyed our time together. If you’re interested in contributing to any way to help keep Fuck Feast active, or if you just have any last commentary for me, email me at pilaretcetera@gmail.com. 

Fuck and be free forever, y’all.