The Myth of Magnum

He pulls a magnum condom out of his back pocket and smiles as he rips it open. I smile, too, but not for the same reason. I’m smiling because after having spent the last fifteen minutes rolling around on his bed with his dick pressed against me, I’m 100% sure that this magnum condom is 100% unwarranted. And I’m already aware of the ego machinations behind a man’s decision to reach for those “extra large” condoms on the shelf while shopping at Walgreen’s – this guy thinks his dick is big! Which isn’t to say that his dick is small, or even average. Sure, this guy has a nice penis, but, well, I know big dicks, and this is not a giant, whopping, nine inch, massive girth, condom breaking dick. Nope – his dick is merely pleasantly big, on the upper end of the average length and girth of cocks.

So, as he’s slipping on his magnum condom, and in the moments between me sitting there watching him and him slipping his dick into me, I know what I have to do: this guy needs to be reassured that his dick is big. He needs me to tell him that he has a big dick while we’re fucking, which I am happy to do. It doesn’t tax me at all, so I moan out things like, “Your dick feels so good, it’s so huge!” Typical, standard, whatever dirty talk. And if he asks me, “Who’s got the biggest dick?” I joyfully cry out, “You do, daddy!” Although, after it’s done, I make sure to never mention any of my several six and a half feet tall, 250 pound other lovers, since, y’know, he might be suspicious that I was lying when I said that he had the biggest dick.

And then when he comes over to my house to fuck next week, I’ll throw him one of my basic condoms that I picked up from Planned Parenthood last week. When the condom doesn’t break I won’t point out that he can just use average sized condoms, it’s okay honey. Because, you know what, even though you don’t have a nine inch dick, don’t sweat it, I’m still down to fuck with your seven inch dick. That’s why you’re here, so we can start talking about something other than your insecurity and/or delusion about how big your dick is, because your body dysmorphic issues aren’t why I called you to come over to my house.