The Fuck Feast Fuckery Waiver for Lovers

I am going to write about our sexual experience. Deal with it.

I’m not going to use your name or any other defining details, but people who know me might know that I’m writing about you. But it’s not any different from me divulging every detail to a close girlfriend. Instead, I want you to think about it as you being immortalized and glamorized on the Internet. Your actions are your own, and my analysis has nothing to do with your morality or character, but if you want a positive review, you better give me an interesting performance. And by interesting, I don’t mean you have to pretend to be a porn star, just be yourself, and fuck with passion and skill. All self doubt is duly noted, but I like laughing, so laughter won’t be points off, so long as it’s not malicious.

I am going to write about our sexual experience, but I may not necessarily publish it. So don’t think that just because we fucked, you’re going to get on this blog. You might get in my diary, as most people do, but you have to do something remarkable, you have to break away from the mundane in order to land title credits on this blog. And I have fucked enough crazy people to have set a pretty high bar. However, if you try too hard, I will take note, and trying too hard isn’t a good thing.

Everything I write is slightly embellished and fictionalized just for the sensationalism of it all. So even if you see yourself in something I’ve written, you won’t see all of yourself in it because these experiences are often times an amalgamation of a variety of experiences I have had. So don’t get too blown up about it.

I will not disparage your dick on the Internet.

The purpose of me writing about my sexual experiences isn’t malicious or conniving, but, rather, an effort to further explore sexuality as it exists in our culture today. However, I don’t go out there and fuck people as some sort of sadistic empirical research. Rather, I fuck people because I want to, and sometimes it happens to coincide with my curiosities about how our culture imprints certain sexual messages on people’s minds, and it’s fascinating to watch those messages manifest in real sexual experiences. I fuck because I like to fuck. That’s it.

You have every right to ask me to not write about something on the Internet. You have every right to question me about the things that I write on the Internet that you think may be about you. You have every right to decide to never look at this blog. That is fine.

If you’re my lover, then you’re my lover, and that means we have formed some sort of relationship. And in order to respect that relationship even within the bizarre circumstances of Internet anthropological documentation, it’s important that we acknowledge each other respectfully. This relationship is what it is, and I’m a cerebral, hypersensitive person who writes about things. This is open to discussion. This relationship isn’t an exercise in objectification, humiliation, exploitation or creative jack off-ery. This relationship is a relationship. So let’s just carry on like everything’s normal, okay?