Single Forever Crew Strikes Again (Or, Conversations Arianna & I Are Having Now That Our Singledom Increased from 35% Back to 90%)

“I guess our boyfriend cycles are in sync again.” ~ Arianna

“Yeah, except that neither of us really had boyfriends to begin with.” ~ me


“Oooo, I think Imma bang so&so.” ~me

“Eiw, no, don’t even do it. You know he’s not going to be good in bed. You should probably bang someone who’s at least gonna be worth the lay.” ~ Arianna

“Meh. I don’t really care if he’s bad in bed. In fact, if he’s bad in bed, even better, it will keep me motivated to continue on a promiscuity spree rather than falling back into the relationship-esque pattern that I’ve become accustomed to.” ~ me


“Let’s just get really fat this time around.” ~ Arianna

“Yeah, then we can sit in the back of Ruby Room and cry into our drinks while begging dudes to buy us drinks.” ~ me

“Oh my god. Everyone will be like, ‘damn, these girls have never looked better.’ ” ~ Arianna


“I just want someone who’s going to be emotionally distant and not really talk to me.” ~ me

“But instead you have me. Clingy and very loud about it.” ~ Arianna

“God damn it!” ~ me


Also, maybe it’s writing shit like A Concise Manual for Navigating Relationship Land in Oakland¬†that make me perpetually single. Pretty sure my singleness peaked the day after I put that on the blog… *shoots self in the other foot, too*¬†