Rehashing Heterosexual Intercourse with Homosexual Men

“Damn, he’s so fine.” This girl is talking to me at the bar and she’s looking at someone behind me. I turn around to look, and, wouldn’t you know, it’s one of my former sexual partners. I smile just a little bit, not because I’m a braggart, but, because, yeah, he’s pretty fine.

“Hell yeah he is,” I reply. I can tell that she’s into him, but I’m not the type of of girl who announces that she’s fucked someone already, mostly because it’s rude and people get really weird about partner sharing. Even in sexually progressive Oakland.

“Too bad he’s gay,” she says.

“What!” I look over at my former sexual partner. Now, if you’ve been following this blog, you know that I’ve already covered the topic of heterosexual relationships with people who aren’t heterosexual. Namely, yeah, I’ve fucked a few girls, I’ve fucked a few guys. Some of those girls fuck girls and guys. Some of those guys fuck guys and girls. It’s all gravy. (Actually, it’s kinda stressful because at that point you have to factor in competing with every attractive person out there, both man and woman. If you’re with someone who’s strictly straight or strictly gay, then you only have to worry about competing with one gender. All of us freaky pansexual post gender assholes are DTF, come one, come all. It can get complicated.) As previously expressed in this blog, if a guy I’m fucking wants to fuck a guy, that’s totally cool. I’m down to watch, participate, or excuse myself if y’all want some privacy; it just depends on what the situation calls for. However, it hurts me deeply when my sexual partners are dishonest about their sexuality or ashamed of it. Come on, guys, if there’s anyone who’s going to be DFW, it’s me, so you might as well go for it. I mean, sure, maybe we didn’t have the most intimate relationship when came to emotions and shit, but if anyone’s down, it’s me!

“Well, I still hit it,” I reply snidely.

“Woah, really?”

“Yeah, I guess I stay fucking gay boys,” I hit back. A few people around me catch the comment and start laughing. Maybe that was a funny thing to say, and maybe it wasn’t completely appropriate, but I realize that I was kinda offended by some random chick’s comment about my former sexual partner’s sexuality. I have to admit that it’s confusing to have other people make announcements about a former partner’s sexuality, regardless of whether or not it’s based in fact or pure speculation. I didn’t bother to ask, because it didn’t really matter if it’s true or not. What matters is that someone who doesn’t know this guy intimately is talking on his sexuality, and, y’know what? Regardless of whether or not this particular rumor is true or not, I really have to respect the fact that this guy treated me very respectfully. He was very honorable, given all the shit that I put him through, and if you read this blog, then you know that I put my lovers through some pretty horrible, whorish bullshit. This guy was really down for me (in a way), namely in that he didn’t do what most men do when I do something slutty like, um, “date” another guy in front of him. Most men take it upon themselves to lambast my character and spread nasty rumors about me and tell their homies that I’m a slut. But this guy never called me a slut (at least to my knowledge. Maybe he did, but if he did it didn’t get back to me, and things really get back to me. Especially slut shaming), so maybe I should return the favor.

At this point, I’m trying to analyze why this chick would tell me that my former partner is gay. On the one hand, maybe she’s trying to fuck with my head. I’m not sure if she knew that I used to sleep with him, but if she did, this is some conniving shit. Perhaps she’s not trying to fuck with my head, though, and is trying to bro down with me on this guy. The motivation for that being something along the lines of: she’s fishing for information on this guy either because she wants to bone him or someone she knows wants to bone him. Either way, I’m not the type of girl to kiss and tell on the good boys to random chicks. Sure, if a guy got hella scandalous or acted disrespectful, then I will sound the alarm because the women need to know. However, it’s not in my best interest to sexually snitch on someone with whom things ended well, especially to some chick who clearly runs her mouth and isn’t my team enough for it to be worth it. While I gain nothing by being loyal to someone with whom I am on good terms, I lose something by running my mouth to anyone who will listen.

I wonder what her deal is with him. I wonder why she’s talking shit on him to me. It vaguely feels like some warped form of slut shaming to call some random guy gay when what is the basis of that statement? Did one of her gay boyfriends hit it, too? If so, that’s really none of my business because my relationship with this guy doesn’t give me the right to know if he’s fucking other dudes. It doesn’t effect me because I don’t fuck him. However – gay? He’s gay? Maybe. But probably he’s somewhere along the lines of bisexual/pansexual/queer/whatever you want to call it. Just because he’s dressed like a hipster doesn’t mean that regular adjectives can be hurled with the force of an epithet. But, regardless, at the end of the day, what does it matter what his sexual orientation is? I’m not fucking him anymore, so, like, really, can we move on? That ship has sailed with me. I’m a sex radical who doesn’t give a fuck about who fucks who, so long as my emotions are in a good place and I’m STD free. On to the next one.