He’s talking to me about the drama with his last girlfriend, and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s seeking redemption from me.

I’ve been here before. I know what he wants to hear. He wants me to say, “Yeah, she’s crazy, fuck her, you’re right.”

But, honestly, I don’t really have the energy for that tonight, and I’m sick of playing that game. It’s almost as though men are playing the same game over and over again: boy meets girl, girl gets emotional, boy freaks out and shrinks away. Boy meets new girl, boy tells new girl that the old girl got emotional. Boy doesn’t realize that he doesn’t understand girls in general, period, but he uses the new girl to make him feel like it was just that one girl that he didn’t understand, and not that he lacks an overall ability to understand not just girls but people as a whole. This is a social problem that manifests in this small interactions, in these fleeting moments of failure. It’s like a trial and error approach to trying to understand human emotion, except it’s all error.

We don’t do that anymore. And by “we” I mean women (and by women, I mean femme of center). We don’t validate your emotional laziness anymore. In fact, we can tell that if your solution to your relationship problems is asking your next sexual partner to decodify the emotions of your previous sexual partner, then: no. It’s time to take some mutual culpability for the insanity of falling in love and understanding what that can do to a person.

The next time I hear someone say, “I don’t know why she did that,” about his ex, I’m going to say, “Why don’t you just ask. In fact, why don’t you call her up right now and ask her why she did that. I bet she’ll tell you. I bet she already told you. I bet there’s no point in having this conversation. I bet all you want is emotional validation at someone else’s expense. I don’t do that.”