Reasons Why You Should Work Out

So this has nothing to do with health, and this isn’t about body shaming. Sure, being muscular is hot, but my motivation in all things is sexual, therefore I’m just gonna let you know: you should work out because it will make you better at sex. The thing about sex is that it’s a physical activity. It’s taxing and requires a degree of athleticism. Which is why – if you’re the type of person who wants to be good at sex – you should work out. You should be doing some cardio. Getting some stretching in. Doing a little bit of yoga so you can practice your heavy breathing. Because as someone who as been there, and as someone who wants to be good at sex, and as someone who works out, let me tell you: there’s nothing more disappointing than being up and ready at 2 am, kinda drunk and totally horny with some boy in your bed, only to have him crap out after fifteen minutes. And by crap out I don’t man that he merely cried “Uncle!” but, rather, the whole scene was swept up in an image of him, unduly coated in sweat, heaving and wheezing like he was running a race, that pallid, tortured look on his face as he climbed off and took a moment to catch his breath. It’s a really unattractive thing to experience, especially considering that I have about five hours of fucking left in me. So, in the name of not being drunk and passed out after fifteen minutes, go get yourself some exercise. Physically prepare yourself for some endurance fucking. Get your blood flowing so that when it comes time to strip down and start hitting it, you won’t get winded half way through. Because I bring my A game, and I don’t have time to be fucking with these D league dudes anymore. I fuck like a champ, and I go for the gold every time. Shouldn’t you be doing the same?