Let’s Get Desperate With Some Holiday Cheer!

Anyone who knows me knows that I love going to bars, and as a year round bar fly, I have to admit that tis the season for my favorite day to go to bars: Christmas. (Also Thanksgiving, but that’s passed.) Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are my favorite days to go to shitty Oakland dive bars, mostly because tis the time of year for the annual locals and orphans alcohol fest. The only people left in Oakland these days are the people who were born here and have family here, and also all the people who are too poor or too alone or too crazy or not WASPy enough to go back to their families. It makes for an interesting demographic shift in the Oakland bar scene; it’s almost like Burning Man week, when all the normal people are¬†left behind while all the crazy druggie, hippie people get high and fuck in the desert. Except that this is the gentrifier version of that, which means that this is my absolute favorite time of year because finally I can go to the bar and just be surrounded by my friends and other like minded Bay Area natives. No more out of towners who have no appreciation for the local culture and throw money around like its their free pass to belong to a place that doesn’t really want them.

On top of that, the manic depression that seems to ensue bar hopping on a national holiday when pretty much everything except for Chinese restaurants are closed creates a scintillating ambiance of despair that snowballs into a fairly macabre desire to fuck strangers. Your local dive bar on Christmas Day is an excellent opportunity to engage in some pretty out there sex with strangers, because you know that the undercurrent of emotion that accompanies casual sex on Christmas Day is going to be, uh, at best: fairly toxic. Anyone who is DTF on Christmas has already bottomed out on cuffing season. But sex with strangers on Christmas Day is its own revelatory experience, so why not celebrate the holiday spirit by keeping another lonely, drunken soul warm? It’s basically just free mutual therapy with a little bit of sex thrown in because you know that the “I’m completely alone for the holidays” pillow talk is going to get pretty dark. So embrace the Oakland holiday spirit, and I’ll see you at Radio or Ruby Room tonight.