I was biking around Downtown Oakland when, on the corner of 14th & Broadway, I ran into this dapper gentleman. He originally caught my eye because I thought that his propaganda had a rather intriguing design working in its favor. And when I read the content of his swill – well, you know. I was intrigued. 

Upon quickly scanning his sign, I patted myself on the back when I realized that I’ve engaged in most of the acts on his sign. Goodie for me!

“Oh, hi, that’s interesting sign there, can I take a picture?” ~me, trying not to feel too much like a hipster class tourist who fetishizes other people’s culture and beliefs for the sake of a funny post on Instagram. But I probably failed at that.

“Yes, yes, and you can take a picture of the back, too!” the gentleman exclaimed at my display of misplaced enthusiasm.

“Are you religious?” ~ me

“Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ! He is the only way to salvation!” ~ gentleman

“Oh, yeah, I’m Catholic.” ~ me as I swing around to snap the back side. “I really dig your message.”

“Thank you, thank you!”

“Have a nice day!”

“You too!”

Because, honestly, you have to respect a man who sits at 14th & Broadway who condemns sexual activity of any sort. As I biked away, I realized that I really wanted to fuck him, but because I don’t have a penis, he probably wouldn’t be down.