How to Be a Slut: Your Self Written Slutness Plan

Recently, I feel like I’ve seen a lot of women become sluts, which is great, but I can tell that many of them haven’t really thought out this life decision. Instead, they’re rushing into it head first without considering the consequences, the rewards or a long term strategy for slutification. You see, becoming a slut is kinda like starting a new business. You need to assess your risk tolerance, set goals for your return on time investment, and have an exit strategy. Without thoroughly thinking out the different aspects of sleeping around, you can often times find yourself in a messed up, tangled up situation that leaves you broke, destitute and lonely. So, it is with great pleasure that I would like to start discussing the various aspects of writing your very own Slutness Plan.

Motivation When considering whether or not you want to be a slut, it’s important to examine your own self motivation. Why do you want to sleep around? The factors that inspire someone to be a slut vary, but some of the most common ones are: wanting to have fun, getting back at an exboyfriend, hating your father, low self esteem, general life malaise, hypersexuality, sexual curiosity, a manic episode, a renewed sense of empowerment, or a new found love for alcohol or other substances. While some of these motivations are clearly very negative, others can be positive. It’s important to consider that if you are motivated by a negative factor, seeking therapy in conjunction with slutting around will probably be helpful, as sluttery can be symptomatic of deeper psychological issues, and if you’re not in the right head space, you’re probably gonna fuck up this whole thing.

Risk Assessment Any small business owner knows that you need to assess the risks of an endeavor before diving in. As a slut, it’s important to consider the risks and consequences of sleeping around. These include, but are not limited to: contracting an STD, getting pregnant, ruining other people’s relationships, ruining your own relationships and friendships, being socially shunned, disqualifying yourself from the “girlfriend material” category, running out of people to sleep with, a generally soiled relationship, depression, substance abuse as a means to maintain the slutty disposition, getting beaten up by the girlfriend of the boy you slept with last night, financial instability due to the high cost of going to bars, and getting medical treatment or having shit knicked by one night stands. These are all things to consider if you are thinking about becoming promiscuous, and having a good back up plan for dealing with these possible bumps in the road is a good way to wrap your head around the possible negative aspects of sluttery.

Assets and Opportunities If you’re going to be a slut, you need to determine what it is about you that will make you attractive as a slut, and who is immediately available to be a co-conspirator on your path down the road of slutdom. Your assets generally include your good looks, your witty personality, your extroversion, your everpresence at bars, your reputation for giving good head, and overall general sexual availability. Your opportunities can also be viewed as your Fuck Bucket list, an essential tool for any woman who is trying to play the field. Your Fuck Bucket list is a general list of people you want to sleep with, you can sleep with and who want to sleep with you, ranked  in order of desirability and feasibility. It is also helpful for you to define your type, your competitors and the general social class within which you plan to slut.

Marketing As a slut, it is important for you to market yourself. You might want to refer to our previously published ‘What Type of Slut are You?’ guide for a little more information on what kind of slut you are. This will help you define how you will market your slutty skills – will you market yourself in a vocal way, or are you going to be more subtle about sleeping around? Will you use social media to find potential suitors? Do you expect an immediate cash reward for your services? Will you slut around in the realm of polyamory? Do you plan on being a cheater? How will you let people know that you are good in bed while simultaneously maintaining your preferred social and professional reputations? How will you attract the attention of potential suitors – through dress, through forwardness, through mutual friends, through dating sites? Having a good marketing plan is essential to ensuring that you are reaching the type of lay you are seeking out, rather than settling for suitors who are just looking for a bargain lay.

Return on Investment As you continue in your efforts to sleep around, it’s important to assess what kind of return you are getting for your investment in being a slut. If you find that your reputation has been significantly soiled while the amount of quality sex you are receiving is still relatively low, you might want to reconsider your slutness plan. Likewise, if your net number of orgasms is unusually low compared to the number of orgasms you are giving other people, then you are doing it wrong. If, at the end of the day, you find that you have made a slew of enemies that are completely unmanageable, again, it’s time reassess what’s going on with your strategy for sleeping around. Remember, one of the main goals of slutting around is to have a lot of amazing sex while ostracizing the fewest amount of people possible. Sleeping around while staying on good terms with the people you’ve fucked is completely possible, although allowances should be made for the occasional miscommunication, broken heart or angry exboyfriend.

Exit Strategy At the end of the day, it’s very important to consider your exit strategy. While sleeping around is fun, it is a fairly exhausting activity that can get harder with time. Taking breaks from sluttiness is highly advisable, as it can be exhausting and at times unrewarding. Reassessing your motivation and goals is essential, but, at the end of the day, it’s important to ask yourself: how long do you want to be a slut? Is this a sustainable, life long plan? While slutting around can be an acceptable long term plan for some people, it’s important to consider what you want in the long term. Will you eventually be looking for a relationship? Or are you a bachelor[ette] kind of person? Is slutting around a career move on your path to becoming a sex worker? Regardless, your exit strategy should be taken into consideration when attempting to rehabilitate your image, because there are many people out there who will not want to settle down with someone who is known as the village bicycle.

The Slutness Plan With all of these factors taken into consideration, you can consolidate them into one cohesive plan for slutting around. Looking at the big picture while still maintaining a sense of the small details will help you keep your head in the game. Otherwise, you might get caught up and turned out by some random ass pimp, or knocked up by some jealous, vengeful dude, or stultified by your self imposed loneliness. Regardless, it’s important to make sure that you know what you’re doing, because anyone can be a slut, but it takes a real woman to be smart about it, and good at what she’s doing.