Hi, Patrick ~ A Few Words on “Game”

While sitting in the smoking section of Radio on Saturday and enjoying the sonic offerings of Mike Melero’s Boozewazi, a friend (who, yes, I antichillingly called him out in the post title) asked me for my advice on that elusive thing called “game.” At the time I think I was too hellbent on inebriation to properly elucidate exactly what constitutes “game,” but my current state of pseudo-sobriety has brought on some revelations I would like to share in lieu of this topic. 

Let me start of by saying that, as a female, and an outspoken aficionado of casual sex, it’s much, much easier for me to have game. My grab bag of techniques has three things in it: doe eyes, drunkenness and the classic, “Do you want to fuck me right now?” It’s important to point out that the latter technique – which I use very judiciously – generally only works for girls. Cold calling someone like that takes balls, and it’s contingent on the idea that the opposite party is already in such a state of heightened sexual arousal that just about anything will do. All the, oh, five times I’ve used it, it has never failed me. But I can’t remember a single time that a guy came up to me at a party, looked me in the eyes, threw that line down, and got a positive response. Really, from a man (and, sure, from a woman, too), it smacks of desperation. 

So, for all you (few) dude readers out there, let me offer you a bit of advice. You need to ease your way into the situation. Buying girls drinks at a bar shouldn’t be considered an automatic in. In any way. 75% of the time I’m taking the drink, curtly shouting, “Thanks!” over my shoulder and beelining to a crowded table full of intimidating looking male friends. On the other hand, offering a more sparse commodity such as cocaine or ecstasy will get a different response. Generally that level of generosity demonstrates a willingness to invest on the donor’s behalf, and the recipient usually comes off as a selfish asshole if she walks away such as mentioned above. So that’s something to keep in mind, but if you’re not as financially solvent as you’d like to be, there’s still hope. 

They say that showing up is half the battle, and, to translate, showing up in someone’s line of vision as a person worth talking to will get you leaps and bounds. While striking up conversation can be a daunting task, starting off with proximity is a good way to start off. Sit next to her at a bar. Talk to her friends. Find some dumb, inane thing to say about, well, anything. Even if it comes off rocky, you can still gauge by her response whether or not this is worth pursuing, if you have a chance, and whether or not she sucks. If you’ve done your cyber stalking beforehand, the good old fashioned, “Hey I know you. You’re a friend of so&so, right?” can work. (Although, make sure that your so&so is someone who has some sort of clout in the social scene. It’s a good way to impress your lofty social standing.) 

Witty conversation is important. Being funny is good. Common interests, feigned or otherwise, are a good place from which to get rolling. Try to assess her openness tonight, such as surrounding male companions, her willingness to engage in a long conversation, how much she’s looking around the room, as if she’s waiting for someone to come in and save her from the doldrums that is talking to you. Give her room to breath, for sure. It’s good to have other friends there. Again, this will make you look like less of a loser who’s trying to pick up chicks and more like a happy, socially adjusted member of society. I’m always wary of the guy at the bar who doesn’t have friends. Is he a rapist? What are his emotional issues? Why do his peers find him so repulsive? He probably has a small penis. 

For me, personally, a back handed compliment somewhere along the line works out well. But it has to be super, super, super subtle. I guess I just appreciate wit. And a degree of aloofness mixed with the right now availability of this person helps amp up the intrigue. 

I know that a dude is trying to fuck me tonight through this one subtle gesture: the placement of the hand on the thigh. That just screams, “I’m going to fuck the shit out of you later tonight.” I take it to mean nothing less. I never have, and I have never been failed. Watch out, though, for the ambiguous arm around the shoulder gesture. More often than not, the arm around the shoulder gesture is an inebriated indicator of, “Girl, I like getting fucked up with you.” If you find that you’re in the standing position, a hand on the small of my back will also impart the urgency of copulation. Indeed, any physical contact with polite proximity to my crotch will get the message across. 

It’s important to gauge her response to the initial physical contact. If it’s repulsion, back away and start over with someone new. At this point, offering to buy her a drink might help seal the deal. Because she’s probably thinking, “I am *not* drunk enough to do this right now.” (It’s much like the rule of thumb that bar tenders use when comping drinks for their friends and regulars: the customer always pays for the first one.) 

From there, ask her what she’s doing after this. If you’ve been putting your game on right, she won’t construe this as yet another platonic, “I’m bored, wanna get fucked up?” gesture. This is your lynch pin in the whole interaction. Any response along the lines of, “I have to go home and sleep. I have to work tomorrow.” means that things look foggy. “I don’t know, what are you doing?” means a rosy outlook.

All this might seem vapid, and shallow, and kinda unfair to the less socially adept members of society. But, trust me, a guy with game has a much greater chance of sealing the deal than a really hot guy who stays completely aloof. That’s because a guy with game is demonstrating his greater social ability to interact with people and understand social conduct. The ability to socialize like a normal human being is valuable nowadays, and while it might not be the prime indicator of someone’s ability to make massive amounts of money, it sure is helpful.

Does that make sense?