He’s Dumb

“I just don’t know how you can fuck someone who’s so…stupid.”

I’m hanging out with my guy friends again, and, as usual, we’re talking about the people I fuck. I tend to fuck people who aren’t necessarily bright, shiny examples of the best that humanity has to offer, so I’m used to weathering the criticism that comes with my pursuit of sexual pleasure. This week’s complaint? That I fuck stupid people.

This is one that I’ve heard before, and I’ll cop to it. From time to time, I have sex with men who aren’t as intelligent as I am. This kinda comes with the territory when you’re an intelligent woman, mostly because all the smart guys are too smart to fuck intelligent women: we’re a handful, we’re high maintenance, and we have a witty retort for every snide comment. This is part of the reason why intelligent men are drawn to younger, less experienced women: they’re easier to control and their opinions are (for the most part) less informed and therefore less relevant. This is probably also why people think sex workers are stupid; it’s not because sex workers are actually stupid, but because sex workers have to pretend to be stupid in order to play into the male fantasy of physical and intellectual domination. Which actually makes them quite smart, because they have to be smart enough to know to play it dumb while also working the hustle. It is with this controlling power dynamic through the avenue of intelligence that men are able to cull sex from women.

But the thing about intelligent men is that they’re exactly the same as us. They’re high maintenance, they have ego problems, they demand a lot of attention, they always have something to say. As a woman, sometimes I just want sex, and sometimes I don’t want to have to deal with the social rigmarole of highfalutin small talk. Sometimes I want someone who isn’t so smart that he’s going to overthink having sex.

Although, that’s not what the problem is. That’s not why I shouldn’t fuck unintelligent men. The real reason why I shouldn’t fuck stupid boys is because society still dictates that my sexual activities should be indicative of my future relationships, and in today’s paradigm a woman needs to hitch herself to a smart, rich man in order to have a good life. As someone with a brain, I realize that if I want to be deemed successful by today’s standards, I need to find a husband who will buy me a big house and a nice car and all those other finer things in life. However, if I’m wasting my time fucking someone who’s less intelligent than I am, than I am not going to fulfill my potential as the wife of someone who makes a lot of money. I need to be fucking someone whose position on the job market is upwardly mobile in order to be validated as a complete woman.

I realize that this is a double standard, mostly because an intelligent man can shack up with some dumb, fluffy trophy wife and no one will bat an eye. Yet if I want to hook up with some dummy who likes to fuck, I’m selling myself short. I realize that this is because the perseverance of feminine wit dictates that we should use our powers to find a rich man to marry, but the fact of the matter is: I support myself, so I don’t need to use a man for his money. Those days are long gone, and if I want to use a man for sex and then throw him away when I’m done with him because sex is all he has to offer me, then that’s my prerogative. It might make me an asshole, but, hey, men have been treating women like that for as long as I can recall, so no harm, no double standard, no foul. So pardon me if I look puzzled when you cast the first stone.