Fuck Feast 2013: I’ll Be Your Mirror

Sometimes my boredom gets so fucking stultifying that I find myself dragging through the dregs of the Internet. You know, the ultimate sludge, the ultimate ‘I want to look at website that makes me hate myself and all of humanity.’ This is generally when I wind up looking at San Francisco based blogs, mostly shit holes like MissionMission or that one San Francisco style blog that sucks. It galvanizes a rather prismatic rage that is followed by empty self loathing that is followed by more Internet surfing. 

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is, I look at San Francisco based party/fashion/meandering 20 something pseudo-sex addict blogs, or New York ones, or Los Angeles ones, and I think, “Oakland needs this.” No…I mean… “Oakland deserves this.” 

Maybe in some ways that’s what Fuck Feast aspires to be, but not without your help. So, 2013 Fuck Feast readers, what I’m trying to say is: Fuck Feast needs you. Here’s what I need:

– For you to write. Yeah. I mean, sure, not everybody’s a writer, but, fuck. I have seen your Twitter rants, and your Tumblr posts, and your Facebook statuses, and I have talked to you at parties about all the fucked up shit you did after we parted ways at 3am with fucking on the brain. Be brave and write about it, okay? I mean, you’ve been telling people for years that you’re an “artist,” but, really, all that’s come of that is a few wine-fuelled craft nights and a couple sketches that seemed good, but that doesn’t qualify you as an artist. Going to Art Murmur and then complaining about it a bar doesn’t make you an artist. Getting a real job and giving up on your dream of being artist DEFINITELY doesn’t make you an artist, so you might as well do that “contributing to society” thing that you’re always thinking about whenever you’re smoking pot by yourself in your bedroom at 10pm while watching Netflix. I will take you, as you are. 

– Also, I wish that Oakland had a cool “lit scene,” and by “lit scene” I don’t mean “lit scene,” but, we’ve all noticed that Oakland has suddenly (thank you, New York Times) become some sort of art mecca, but where is the word-fuelled jihad? (Bad pun, lol.) Zach Houston seems to be the only respectable writer that has come from my personal experience of 25 years in Oakland. It seems that while this visual arts fuelled revolution is gripping the money scene of Uptown, there seem to be few writers who are actually pursuing anything creative and meaningful within our collective hipster social sub scene. We have our Monica Canilao as the quintessential successful visual artist, we have our Mama Buzz as the scion of this art culture, we have our various bands going for the gold, we have entrepreneurs and DJs and videos – but where the fuck are the other writers? Hello? Anybody out there? And the East Bay Express doesn’t count – writing interesting new articles about whatever Berkeley-appropriate youth culture content the editors approve doesn’t really qualify as “creativity” – what I want is people who know how to write and who approach with the same iconoclast dysphoria that most entry level CCA future-drop outs possess.

– Ugh, I need someone to help me code. Like, this dumb bitch (me) who will constantly talk about her time at a “tech company” still doesn’t know how to format the Twitter widget to fall in the left hand column. (I dumb.) So, halp? Also, it would be nice to have featured articles. You know, stuff that I’m sure is very easy, but is still a bit too hard for me to put energy into learning how to do. Possible compensation for that one 😉

– People who illustrate. People who draw. People who take pictures. Basically people who said, “Fuck yeah!” to the above, but aren’t as literarily inclined as some of us are. 

– Tell your friends about this blog so people give a fuck about it, because mostly I’m writing about YOU (and if I’m not, just hit me up, I’ll totally write about you), so stroke your ego and mine at the same damn time! 


I don’t care where you’re based geographically, or where you are emotionally, but so long as it’s good and on topic (parties/drugs/bars/sex/violence/anarchy/fashion/art/oakland/etc)…I mean, worth a shot, right? 

tl;dr: Oakland needs a better party blog, would you like to contribute?