Yo. Check out this song. Listen to the lyrics. You know what this song is about? It’s about a one night stand. Which is sick, I fucking love one night stands. But basically, what’s going on here is, so this guy gets drunk at some bar and takes home some random girl whose name he doesn’t even know. Which is also just fine by me. 

I guess the issue I have with the song is the following lyrics:

“Oh I, I got a funny feelin’ when she walked in the room
Yeah my, as I recall it ended much too soon.”

Like, WTF. How are you going to make a song about premature ejaculation during a one night stand? Like, are you fucking kidding me or something? What is up with that? It’s songs like these that perpetuate this trying, tiresome myth that coming too soon is socially acceptable. IT’S NOT. It’s so boring! 

Maybe I relate to this song way too much, or something. Can you imagine the counter-song that the woman in this song should be writing? Something along the lines of “I got this dude to bang me but he came after 5 minutes. Maybe I should stop fucking random white dudes from the bar.” Which, you go girl, stop fucking random white dudes from the bar. 

I imagine that she was one of those girls that was just like, “Cool, later” after it ended. Like, just thoroughly disgusted with the dude, so she packed her shit and left. Went back to the bar and probably find some non-white non-disgusting dude to treat her like a lady.

Although maybe I’m just projecting, and I should stop obsessing about how this song is an ironic and painful mirror of my own sexual problems with random people that I sleep with from bars.

Fuck you, premature ejaculation!!