Anatomy of a Manic Oakland Dream Girl

The concept of the manic pixie dream girl is one that is so played out in popular culture, mostly because she’s a mythical creature, but also, if you live in Oakland, the manic pixie dream girl is a fucking joke. For the most part, the manic pixie dream girl is an irritatingly quirky white girl who pops up at parties and thinks that she’s and/or the center of attention because she’s playing into the trope of the manic pixie dream girl. However, as an Oakland party girl, I figured I’d let you know that we have our own version of the manic pixie dream girl, but it’s skewed through dark wave lens of drug addiction, darkness and having lived your whole life in the ghetto. So, for anyone who’s curious, here’s there anatomy of Oakland’s resident dream girl:

  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl is born and bred Bay Area. She’s from here, so she gets it. She’s got that drop of ratchet in her blood from her time spent in Oakland, a bit of urbanity from weekends shlepping it in the city, and a very subtle hippie side that comes from cruising through Berkeley when there’s nothing else to do. She speaks the language, dresses the part, and bumps Mac Dre relentlessly at all hours of the day.
  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl knows where all the good parties are – you know, the ones deep West or out in the East where all the beautiful coke heads go to dance all night -, and she goes to them pretty regularly. She has a drug dealer friend that will hook you up, a flask of Hennessy in her purse, dances like a stripper, and has slept with the DJ, but they’re cool, so don’t trip.

  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl is just that: manic. Probably from all the drugs, but also life in Oakland is fucking crazy, so suffering from manic-depressive disorder or something like it is pretty typical. It lends to being charming at times, it lends to being the life of the party every other weekend, but it can also lead to darker things such as punching out random white chicks at the party or holing up in her warehouse bedroom for four days smoking weed and popping Xans while ignoring all incoming text messages. Pretty exciting, right?
  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl is down with Occupy, down with Black Lives Matter, down with feminism, down with ACAB, and doesn’t want to hear about anyone shit talking black bloc because who cares about broken windows when they’re out there, killing people. Political diatribes are par for the course with your Manic Oakland Dream Girl, and slumming through scummy anarchist parties at Qi Lombo to talk about trans rights and mobilizing a militant task force is just another day in the life.
  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl has a budding art career which manifests mostly as a messy bedroom filled with trinkets and crap and week night art classes at Laney, but also means that you can see her at various important local art events where various important local artists hang out. She wants to get her drawing/writing/graffiti/fashion/music project off the ground, but that can be hard to do when going out to the bar calls her every night.
  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl is very popular. She knows half the people at this party, knows how to score free drugs, knows how to get in for free, and drink half these mother fuckers under the table. Whether it’s some scum bag punk rock house party, at the bar when it’s fucking lit, or masquerading around high end joints on the nice side of town, there’s always someone there who knows her name. Some people might say that she’s slutty, but in these circles that’s not a perjorative, it’s a compliment. Of course, whether or not she has actually fucked all the people that everyone says she has is besides the point, mostly because that’s all in the past, and half of that is all just gossip.
  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl is fine as fuck, too. She has a bangin ass bod, which can be interpreted as anything from Lil Miss T&A to thick as fuck. Whatever she looks like, she does it with style. Be it clad in thrift store, punk rock garb or the best and the brightest of post hyphy slut garb, she has an inimitable sense of style that belies with unfuckwithable attitude.
  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl has great taste in pretty much everything. She knows where the best taco truck in the East is. She knows the best bar to get the best drinks. She knows the best thrift stores to buy whatever you need. She has great taste in friends, which can be stressful at times because she surrounds herself with other Manic Oakland Dream Girls, and how can you pick just one?
  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl is smart as shit, too, and I mean that in both a street smarts and a book smarts kind of way. She can expound on hood memes, Nietzsche, hustling dudes for money, the current gentrification crisis, trillwave feminist┬átheory, and the local art scene. So be sure to brush up on everything everyone on the Internet is talking about, because she knows that and more.
  • The Manic Oakland Dream Girl has a touch of ratchet in her heart, too, which means she’s not afraid to throw down in a fight. That’s probably because she has her knife on her, or maybe some brass knuckles, and occasionally a gun, and that’s because she has that one friend who turns tricks that taught her to never leave the house without her┬ápiece because Oakland is a dangerous, violent city. She believes in vandalism and practices it, too. She’s skilled at the art of thievery, but uses her powers for good, not bad, although, in a world like this, good and bad are purely subjective, so be sure to subject yourself to the good side of her arbitrary morality.
  • Lastly, the Manic Oakland Dream Girl is never broke. Sure, she’s gainfully employed so that she can afford to buy those vintage Gucci bags, but mostly she’s never broke and that’s because you pay for everything every time. We cool?