About My Birth Control

I went off birth control a couple months ago (which directly contradicts statements I’ve made previously on this blog – see pinned post to the right – and, also, sorry if that was misleading), and, oof, what a doozie. I went off birth control because my 20s are nearing a close, and I made it through the past twelve years without an unwanted pregnancy, which is great because I don’t think I would have stopped partying or fucking if I had gotten pregnant. But now I’m more mature, and I’m more careful, and I think everything will be fine.

However, there is one thing that I would like to talk about that I was not expecting to happen when I went off birth control: the uncontrollable weight gain, mostly centered around my ass. Like, oh, girl, this shit happened over night. I got THICK. I’m talking ten pounds, and probably eight of them went to my ass.

I wasn’t really expecting a ten pound weight gain, so when it happened, naturally, I freaked out. Mostly because rapid weight gain can sometimes be a symptom of (you guessed it!) pregnancy, so, of course, there went $20 down the drain on pregnancy tests that I took in moments of panic.

But it turns out I’m not pregnant, I just look it. This is fine. I am telling myself this is fine. Despite the fact that I fell victim to diet culture at a pretty young age, this is okay. My ass looks amazing, even though my clothes are a little tighter now. I got a little extra padding around the middle, but that’s okay, it doesn’t look bad. It’s just different.

I’m not really sure what I was expecting. I’ve been ingesting hormones on a daily basis for twelve years. I guess it didn’t occur to me that quitting cold turkey might permanently upset the balance within my body.

This is unfair. Men do not have to chemically alter their bodies in order to have sex. Me? I remember going on birth control and how wild that was. Now coming off of it is proving to be a bit of a roller coaster, too. The burden of not having children falls on me, and that burden looks like sustained chemical alteration of my body. I’m the one who took the time to go to Planned Parenthood all those times to get my birth control prescriptions refilled.

I guess what I’m really saying here is: after twelve years of not having a baby, I now have to deal with a sudden weight gain, whereas every man who benefited from the pleasure of unprotected sex with me doesn’t have to deal with any negative consequences of my decision to get on and then get off of birth control. The burden of responsibility is on me, and the burden of consequences is on me, as well.

I wish every man I let cum inside me would rapidly gain ten pounds for no apparent reason just because I went off birth control. But I know that’s not going to happen, so I guess I’d just like a thank you card, instead, thanking me for being responsible enough to not get pregnant with an unwanted child.

However, from here on out, just so we’re clear: I don’t want your baby, but it’s your responsibility to not get me pregnant.