A 5 Part Plan for Making Sure that Dumb Bitch Stops Hitting Up Your Boyfriend

Is that dumb bitch still blowing up your boyfriend’s phone? Is he still complaining that she’s filling up his text message inbox at all hours of the night? Are his pithy attempts at making her stop just not cutting it? Well, girlfriend, it’s time to take matters into your own hands. 

1. With his permission (ideally), take his phone, give that bitch a call, and say, “Yo, bitch. I know you. I know where you live. I know where you work. I have access to guns and knives, and I also have plenty of big, strong male friends that also have access to guns and knives and are not afraid to hit women. So, if you want to keep hitting up my boyfriend, by all means, go ahead. But you know what the consequences will be. Amen.” Make sure that you boyfriend is present for this conversation. Not only will he become aware that if he continues to communicate with this scandalous ass ho, you will physically injure that girl. But it also lets him know that if he is equally scandalous, you still have means with which to hurt him, too. Also, it will probably warm your boyfriend’s heart to know that you are willing to hit some bitch over him. Be possessive! It can, at times, be endearing.

2. Go /b/tard on that ass. Get her phone number and post it on 4chan. Be ruthless. It’s kinda fun.

3. Inform your girlfriends. Let them know that whenever they see this seething cunt, they are to make mild to severe physical and emotional threats and drive her out of the immediate physical vicinity. It is their duty to bring her to tears in public places to ensure that everybody knows she’s a tool and a little bitch.

4. Make sure you are good on your threats, too.

5. Fuck the shit out of your boyfriend every day so he doesn’t forget that there’s a reason that he’s not calling that bitch up right now. Blow jobs, anal sex, 3 ways, S&M – you are a down ass girl. Let him know.

Basically, if some bitch did that to me, I’d calmly and quietly back off. Wouldn’t you? Also, sometimes this IS ME, so be nice, please?