I know that we haven’t 100% reached equal pay for equal work when it comes to the glass ceiling, but when a friend recently asked me why I don’t engage in the age old female tradition of conning men into paying for my lifestyle, that was the first thing that came to mind. I’m a feminist, right? And that’s one of the things that we’re fighting for, right? So it kinda makes sense that, even though I’m probably getting paid less than my male counterparts, I’m still not living in the Victorian Era of ‘women don’t get to have jobs at all, they just do laundry and cook gruel,’ or whatever. Maybe it’s just a misguided personal belief, but if we’re asking for equality between the sexes, why is it, “We want equal pay, and we also want you to pay for our lives.” No. No – I think that’s not what we’re supposed to be asking for. I don’t even think it’s supposed to be, “We want equal pay, but we don’t have it yet, therefore you have to pay for our lives.” Read more →
My pussy. My pussy. My golden fucking pussy.
So I stand in front of the mirror, and there it is, smiling out at me from between my legs. I smile back. At its little lips pressed together, and flesh like tongue poking out slightly.The small hairs that wind out and grow like a well manicured mustache.
“Pussy, I love you,” I whisper as I touch it gently as a sign of appreciation.
“I love you, too,” my pussy whispers back. Read more →
I just want to be held. In his arms, with his arm roped around my neck while he’s fucking me from behind. And his other hand in my hair, not gently stroking but violently grabbing and pulling my hair. So that it hurts. I want him to throat fuck me while the mascara runs down my face and all traces of the lipstick that had been smeared along my cheeks dissolves quickly with the saliva that keeps spilling from my lips. I want him to call me a slut. A whore. A cunt. Cheap. Worthless. To spit on me. To slap my ass and shove me face first into the pillow while he fucks me in the ass. Yank on my nipples and touch me and fuck me and that way I’ll know he loves me. I want him to cum on my face, and, then when everything’s all said and done, I want him to ask me, “Who’s Daddy’s little girl?”
“I’m Daddy’s little girl.”
~because Teen Vogue isn’t breaking it down with enough realness~
Society is constantly telling us, among other things, that there are certain people that we just shouldn’t fuck. It’s rude, it’s embarrassing, it’s desperate, it’s imprudent, it’s social suicide, it’s politically catastrophic. Well, you know what? Just because you shouldn’t fuck him doesn’t mean you can’t, and because it’s someone you shouldn’t fuck, you know what that means: it’s probably fun as fuck! So, we’d like to give you a quick guide to the pro’s and con’s of fucking that guy that you just know you shouldn’t. (Warning, this is kinda gross. I know, right??)
Your Sister’s/Best Friend’s/Mom’s/Roommate’s Boyfriend (or, even better, Husband!)
They call it sloppy seconds for a reason, but let’s admit it: if you’re in your 20’s, you’re always going to be someone’s sloppy seconds. So don’t let that reason stop you. On the other hand, nothing tastes better than forbidden fruit. The only downside to fucking homegirl’s main man is that you have to be ready to completely forfeit your friendship, and, like any break up, you might find that some of your formerly mutual friends are taking sides that might slightly ostracize you. If you’re just hanging out for a one night stand, you can always rectify the situation with the whole, “Sluts before Fucks! Don’t let men come between us!” bullshit. If you’re going for a full on relationship – well, you can’t get mad when he starts fucking your other best friend. So, before you go down this path, ask yourself: is his dick worth it? I mean, homeboy better be throwing down something fierce in the bedroom. And if he’s not, then revert to the “Don’t let men come between us” bullshit. It might not work, but it also might work. Be prepared to wear the “homewrecker” mantle for a moment, you scurrilous cunt, you! Read more →
Having sex in public is a finely finessed art, and doing it in Oakland (aka the robbery capital of America) is even trickier. Of course, it’s always important to consider that while your pants are down around your ankles and your going at it with one or more other people, are you vulnerable as a victim of a robbery? Yes. Yes, you are. However, on the flipside, you don’t want to get picked up by the cops for indecent exposure (although, shouldn’t the cops be looking for people who are robbing other people instead of penalizing the merry galavanters of Downtown Oakland watering holes?) or become the buzzworthy spectacle of a group of fellow bar flies. So, it is with great aplomb that we would like to share some of our favorite places for having sex in Downtown Oakland while bar hopping. Because it’s way easier to bang in a parking lot than to take home some stranger and deal with kicking them out of your bed at 4 am, and also if you’re still Downtown you can go get a drink after! (And, also, your significant other probably isn’t scouring alleyways, looking for you and evidence of your cheating heart.)
So, here we go, broken down bar by bar, with the closest, most convenient place to have sex:
Ruby Room The library is right across the street. Of course, sometimes people (aka CNN, shout out to CNN) are hosting their anti-Ruby Room parties there, so you could go check out the Lake, although do so with caution. I’m not sure what the new promenade is like at night, but a hobo threatened to pull a gun on my friend for not bumming him a cigarette, so maybe just stick with the library and if it’s busy try elsewhere. Also, the Lake is plagued with joggers, but I’m sure late night joggers are used to that kind of thing. Also, see Radio. Read more →